Perry at the Priory
In the summer of 2004 Pericles the Decoy Duck spent a month in The Priory to get over his worm and bird seed addiction.
This blog was originally set up to chronicle his experiences and the inevitable escape attempts.
However, it refuses to die.
The Characters
Pericles - Our Hero
Ron - a Lemming, Pericles's roommate
Bob - a discontented lizard
Dai - a Llama
Schrondinger - a Cat, Dai's roommate
Hermione - a Peking Duck
Thaisa - a Duck, Perry's sometime girlfriend
Doris - a Turkey, Matron at The Priory
Skippy - a dodgy Kangeroo
Sandi- a Great Dane
and
Ethel - a duckling who claims to be the fruit of Perry's loins
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Day 27
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Ron's had a visit from the Lemming Mafia. He woke up this morning to find the severed head of a pantomime horse in his bed.In all the fuss, it never occurred to me to ask him why he'd kidnapped Schrondinger's cat in the first place. It turns out that he's 'into' them to the tune of - you guessed it - £2 million in used milk bottle tops. Apparently he bet heavily on Ahmed to have sex with Nadia on Big Brother and things didn't quite work out as planned.
Now 'The Family' want their money. Ron is quite scared as they're threatening him with some pretty nasty stuff (quite apart from turning him into a Soprano for real). He came here to escape from them. Unfortunately Skippy is one of their enforcers and recognised Ron - despite the wallaby outfit - while we were trying to sneak into Schrodinger's room the other evening.
Naturally I've had no personal experience of these people but, like everyone else, I've heard of them and let's just say that 'friendly' is definitely not in the job description. Ron says they're capable of doing anything to him: putting crash mats at the bottom of cliffs, cutting off his gas, sending round the Samaritans or even making him wear a safety helmet when he goes out on his Harley.
Clearly we have to get Ron out of here in a hurry. Being a minor celebrity I have some contacts who might be able to help. I called one and made him an offer he could not refuse. He's a plastic surgeon. Tomorrow Ron begins his his new life - as a hamster.
posted at 3:09 AM
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